guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
please don't ironically join a cult
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