I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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