So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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