ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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