So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
