can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
