i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
