I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
