I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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