I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
