Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
40s are totally the cure
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
