I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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