Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have already put on my inside pants.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
