I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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