oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Let's get the cat blown out
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
