No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
