Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize