he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
