I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
