She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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