I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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