those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
