tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
