4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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