Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
