id be glad to
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
All I want is dick and wine.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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