sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
