There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
