I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
