shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This baby is an asshole
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
