True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
