she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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