We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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