I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
