I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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