i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
