he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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