Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
