This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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