at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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