Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
