I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
