At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
