Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
