i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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