My first STD was from a foam party
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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