he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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