Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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