so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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