She is in my trunk
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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