My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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