he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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