I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
