wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
