Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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