Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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