Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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