Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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