it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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