Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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