I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
