Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize