i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
