Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
