Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
