We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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