The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
