Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
