remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
