Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
