Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
