Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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