You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
