he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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