im having a threesome with these popsicles
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
