i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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