A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
