he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Someone signed my nipple.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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