He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
