Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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