Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
