some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
