like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
