Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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