Where did you get a picture of my penis
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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