We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
