ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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