On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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