hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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