She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
