too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My bed smells like the plague
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
