i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
When are your genitals available?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
