i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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