That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
