i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
