you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she told me i tasted like america
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
