we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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