I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize