Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Ambien. No doubt about it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
