The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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