he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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