my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
