i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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