1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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