Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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