I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
