Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
