me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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