Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
