: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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