i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
