Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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